


Workplace Etiquette

by personaljunkdrawer



Series: Marvel Ficlets - Inspired by Discord [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Board meeting gone wrong, Endgame Fix-It, F/M, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kink (mentioned), M/M, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Other, Steve's vaguely catholic childhood makes a brief cameo, Tony has a vibranium arm, Vibrating arm, voice command
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25793527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/personaljunkdrawer/pseuds/personaljunkdrawer
Summary: "Turn the arm off.""Yeah, well, I'm trying - override voice command: power down!" He tried again, the vibrating seemed to soften but didn't stop.Steve groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Why would you have a vibrating voice command for your arm, Anthony?"Bucky choked. Peter shrunk. Nat puffed. "Because I don't want to use a keyboard mid-coitus, Steven!"Steve rolled his eyes, "Well shut the damn thing off!"Bucky nearly cackled, "L-language!" Peter giggled, picking at his fingers under the table.---In which Tony survives End-Game but has to have his arm removed and replaced with a vibranium arm, like Bucky's, except he is not great at controlling certain settings, including the voice-activated vibrator setting.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peter Parker/Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: Marvel Ficlets - Inspired by Discord [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871188
Comments: 30
Kudos: 139





	Workplace Etiquette

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Itfeelssogoodmrstark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itfeelssogoodmrstark/gifts).



> Prompts/inspo from  
> "DOES iT FUCKING VIBRAtES OR Not??????"  
> "And then one day, while having a normal convo with the team, it mulfuncions and starts to vibrate in front of everyone lol"

"So Vision is right, with James' scoping of increased tremors under the lake would indicate the presence of some exterior interference," Steve continued, gesturing to the South American Surveillance Systems (S.A.S.S.) projected into the board room.

"As we see here, the main funneling seems to be from Lima, but over this tributary by Lake Titicaca-"

Bucky sniffed. Steve turned. "Buck...really?" 

"It's a funny name, my apologies. Continue."

Steve gave him a brief sneer, muttering something under his breath that even Peter could barely hear. "As I was saying...J's Increased Vibrations give us a clear indication that..."

"Shit, shit! Fuck!" Steve whirled around. Tony's arm juddered to life under his sleeve, jostling the Stark-Pad in his hand and buzzing loudly. "God damnit, this thing is too expensive for this shit."

"Too expensive?" Nat mused, puffing on her juul.

"Not in the board-room!" Steve chastised, "What's the issue?"

"Power down!" Tony ordered, Peter groaned, blush burning up to his ears. Bucky chuckled.

"The arm or the Stark-Pad?"

"The man." Nat joked, Bucky tossed her a quick air-five.

" E-excuse me, but, M-Mr.Stark, why carry the tech in y-your _bum_ arm if it's so-" Peter tried.

" _'Bum arm'_? I'm sorry - this is curated intuitive technology that cost more than half of -"

Steve clapped, once, loud, enough to get everyones' attention. "Turn the arm off." 

"Yeah, well, I'm trying - override voice command: power down!" He tried again, the vibrating seemed to soften but didn't stop.

Steve groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Why would you have a vibrating voice command for your arm, Anthony?"

Bucky choked. Peter shrunk. Nat puffed. "Because I don't want to use a keyboard mid-coitus, _Steven!_ "

Steve rolled his eyes, "Well shut the damn thing off!"

Bucky nearly cackled, "Language!" Peter giggled, picking at his fingers under the table.

"Look, I think that advancements in technology are great, but there is a time and place for exploring..." Steve tried, he really did. God, these meetings never went according to plan.

"Exploring what?" Nat spit out, through another puff.

"Exploring your fuck-toys in the board-room like a bunch of sluts in heat?" Bucky offered, far too casually.

"Language! James! Jesus!" Steve held it in but his eyes were screaming.

Natasha cracked into laughter, Peter squirmed, avoiding a direct gaze at the arm. Across the room, the door opened, Bruce stepping in quickly and taking a seat between Sam and Nat. "Sorry, lab got busy." He mumbled.

"You 'language'-ing me?" Bucky turned back to Steve, leaning toward him across the table. "Watch your own foul fuckin' mouth!"

Steve scoffed, "Excuse me, you _love_ this 'foul fuckin' mouth'." His tone dropped an octave or three.

"Eyy," Sam nudged Peter with his elbow "What that mouf do?". Peter nearly choked on his laugh. 

“Wait, what?” Bruce tried. Nat shushed him, wishing she had popcorn.

Vision had floated unceremoniously to the head of the room. "Perhaps, we should refocus on the-"

"What the hell does that - Oh my g- Are you two...?" Tony balked, eyes darting between Barnes and Rogers. His arm jostled 

"Yeah, duh." Peter chimed in.

"’Duh’?" Barnes directed his peaked attention to the doe-eyed mess sliding impossibly lower in his chair. "Well they've been fucking since, like, before we were born." He just shrugged.

Tony seemed to mull it over, fingers stilling on the arm. “Yeah, actually, that adds up.”

Steve, jaw nearly on the floor, turned to the kid. "La-anguage, how is this a difficult concept? There is a lady in the room!"

"I have no gender." Vision announced.

"Not you!"

"Non-binary, that's cool" Tony added, the forearm of his arm now open on the table as he rebuffed his struggle to wrangle it amidst the vibrations.

"I don't mind a good 'fuck' here and there." Nat shrugged. "If it fits the mood, just ease it in." Bucky gave her a heartfelt thumbs-up. Bruce cleared his throat. Steve quietly crossed himself, abandoning the mission to wrangle this meeting.

“Ahem.” Vision enunciated, rather than actually clearing their throat. “I propose that we redirect to the original intention of this meeting.”

“Thank God.” Steve breathed, seated and seething.

Vision nodded. “Regarding the increased vibrations-”

The arm jolted to a vigorous thrum skidding on the table. “Vis, why?” Steve tried.

Nat and Bucky were nearly in tears laughing, Peter himself somewhere between amused and mortified. “Voice override: cease all motor function!” Tony tried. The vibration changed to a low thrumming along to the beat of the WestWorld theme song.

“How is that a functional setting?” Steve was incredulous, though some small part of him was proud that he got the reference.

“C-Can I try?” Peter sat up a little straighter. 

“You break it, you buy it.” Tony’s voice shaken by the buzzing, he raised the arm to the best of his ability towards Peter. 

Peter stood carefully from his seat, the _I already pay for it._ under his breath nearly missed by Steve. Nearly.

He cleared his throat. “Red.”

The arm stopped. 

Nat’s brows rose. “Way to aim high, kid. Safe, sane, and consenting?”

Peter nodded as he sat back down. 

“Thank you.” Tony gave with a sigh.

Steve stood, gesturing Vision back to his seat. He turned for a moment to the SASS display and then back to the sass display seated before him. “I’m just gonna go ahead and ask, real quick, before we get back to this debrief...and this is for the sake of Team Dynamics…”

Tony rubbed his shoulder, wiggled his fingers with the forearm panel now closed.

“Please raise your hand if you are actively sleeping with someone else on the team.”

Bucky leaned back in his chair. “Like, right now, actively, or in general?” 

“I would notice if someone was in the middle of the act, right here, Buck.” He sighed. “In general, in the last...let’s say, three days, raise your hand if you have slept with someone on the team.”

Nat raised her juul, Bruce simply lifted a finger. Peter held his hand up, but low. Tony wiggled the vibranium hand at him, while Bucky blew him a kiss, and Sam smiled, both hands up. Vision was the only one to raise his hand properly.

“All of y- _every single one of you_ is - wow, Vision, really?”

“I find that it is enjoyable to -”

“No.” Steve stopped them, bracing himself against the table. 

“No, no, I wanna know how that works.” Nat turned to Vision. “Let the man finish.”

“I am not a man.” Vision corrected. 

“Apologies, let the _concept_ finish.”

“Do not! I don’t...we don’t need...we already have too many details.” Bucky pulled out a chair and Steve fell easily into it.

“To be fair,” Tony started “It responds to your voice because you’re very bossy and it makes for a good default audio-recognition schem-”

“Meeting adjourned.”

Bucky pat his back while he buried his hands in his face, Vision melting through the wall while the rest filed out.

Steve turned to him in the silent room. “Are we that obvious?”

Bucky shrugged. “On one hand, I don’t think so. On the other…” His arm whirred, plates shifting as is vibrated for a moment. Steve’s blush crept past the neckline of his sweater.

“Ugh, shit.” He dropped his head back onto his forearms.

“Language, doll. Language.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you @itfeelssogoodmrstark for the inspiration! I've never published any of my marvel writing and this is super new to me but I'm excited to share some of it, so thank you for the push! I might write the other ones we talked about here too.


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